


oh, sweet darling, where he wants you

by evansworth (sunsetpietro)



Series: all the rest of my crimes don't come close [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Rarepairs!, the smh boyband au no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 23:30:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13375350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetpietro/pseuds/evansworth
Summary: in which justin, derek, adam, jack and shitty are in a world-renowned boyband.





	oh, sweet darling, where he wants you

**Author's Note:**

> title from the ‘the less i know the better’ by tame impala.
> 
> this is a mix of an interview and a background into their life as a boyband and their antics.

“how does it feel being a part of one of the biggest boybands in the world?” the interviewer pressed, leaning backwards into her seat, her perfectly coiffed hair not moving an inch.

jack, shitty, justin, adam and nursey glanced at each other nervously.

“i mean, it feels amazing? we do enjoy it and we have the best fans in the world, our team behind the scenes put their all in and we worked our asses off” justin answers after a while, the rest nodded. fingers moving to play with their skinny jeans or t-shirts.

“our fans are the most generous and gorgeous people on the planet for allowing us to do what we want” nursey chipped in, letting his swoon worthy smile make an appearance.

jack was wearing skinny dark blue jeans with an oversized white shirt, shitty was wearing jeans with a flannel (it had the maximum amount buttons unbuttoned which lardo allowed, which was four), ransom was wearing a tight black t-shirt and jeans, adam was wearing a jersey with jeans and nursey had an unbuttoned silky shirt with black skinny jeans.

their stylist, mandy, had wanted to give them the typical good looking millennial look. shitty had vehemently protested as he wasn’t allowed to wear the little amount of clothing he wore before but mandy would bribe him by letting him watch judge karen when she picked out his clothes.  
• they usually refused her expertise to the point were she would just throw clothes at them and let them pick whatever they wanted, she couldn’t be bothered to fight with nursey over his sheer shirts again.

their makeup artist, bitty, would have to slather them in foundation because they would stay up all night on the tour bus, playing stupid games and allowing their fans to dare them to do weird shit.  
• (one time a fan dared all of them to go to their next four shows with nothing but tight jeans and smeared glitter on their bare chests and they complied, almost giving mandy a heart attack, it was also the best time of shitty’s singing life).

•bitty’s makeup was always so good that nursey would constantly ask for tips on how to apply it himself to the point where bitty once put a full face on him with eyeliner, a bold plum lipstick and highlighter. that day nursey was voted sexiest in the band, according to a buzzfeed poll.

their choreographer, jenny, point blank hated them, mainly because they couldn’t dance but also because they never tried.  
• jack was too stiff, shitty was too enthusiastic, nursey was too awkward, holster was too white and ransom was too good, he made the rest look horrible. after a while it was just agreed they wouldn’t have a choreographed dance but were allowed to dance however they wanted. management hated it but they loved it.

• all of their shows were comprised of shitty grinding on jack, holster giving ransom a horrible lap dance and nursey slow dancing with ransom.

their roadies are the falconers and georgia manages them and the sets, marty, thirdy, snowy and poots. they do majority of the heavy lifting and oblige to be guinea pigs for whatever tour video’s the guys decide to great.  
• nursey once asked thirdy to give him a piggy back ride, when thirdy laughed and okayed it, he was signing up to be in a race with shitty who was on jack’s back and ransom who was on holster’s back. thirdy’s back hurt so much he had to go home on emergency paid leave. georgia couldn’t stop laughing and nursey send 40 flower bouquets and chocolate baskets.

• snowy and shitty once got high together and shitty traded clothes with snowy who ended up on stage and no one recognised the difference.  
• marty unofficially adopted holster, they went for brunch and marty had reserved the nicknames ‘son’ and ‘bud’ for him. holster enjoyed having a father figure especially when his father wasn’t in the picture.  
• poots, ransom and jack were running partners as they were ‘all weirdos who liked to punish themselves by jogging early in the morning’ according to mandy.

alexei ran his own radio show, he gushed about things he liked and ransom was at the top of that list.  
• when ransom showed up for a segment, they blushed so hard they could barely talk to each. holster wouldn’t look at tater and was paying extra attention to ransom.  
• thus ensued the ‘mighty ship war’ which split their fans in half, one half rooting for ‘ranksov’ to realise their feelings and get together and the other half rooting for ‘holsom’ who were soulmates to get married already.  
• he also occasionally teamed up with chowder, he was also known for dissing the people he didn’t like in such a shady way that they didn’t know if he liked them or hated them.

chowder was a tv show host who was close with the band, he had an undeniable crush on nursey.  
• he is kinda like james corden but educated and actually funny.  
• he had kissed every member of the band and publicly said that nursey and jack are tied for best kisser.  
• he definitely does carpool karaoke and had multiple ones with the boys. he had also done it with ariana grande, nicki minaj, justin bieber and britney spears.

kent parson is a solo singer, with his own back up band called the aces, kinda like a modern day justin timberlake (even though i hate justin timberlake.  
• grew up as a mentee to jack’s father bad bob who is a rock legend, they met via him and became fast friends but parted on amicable terms due to different views for their futures.

their boyband became popular very quickly to the point where they were rubbing shoulders with the a-list.  
• ransom and nursey took a selfie with beyoncé and she complimented them before giving them a kiss on the cheek (nursey vowed to never wash his face again). when they then met rihanna, ransom swore he had heart palpitations.

• holster almost fainted when he saw leonardo dicaprio, actually when leo saw them and said he had listened to some off their songs, he fainted into jack’s arms who had blushed profusely and apologised.  
• shitty met jake gyllenhaal and kissed him, it was all over the news for weeks afterwords as they claimed they had been having a secret affair which jake denied but shitty laughed and refused to answer (lardo almost beat his ass for that but she couldn’t stop laughing).

 

at lardo’s and georgia’s engagement party, all five of the boys sang. 

• (if anyone asks they didn’t shed any tears, although lardo totally did).


End file.
